Communication Skills – When Is It Safe To Talk?
You are the boss and your office door is open. But how many people come to you with new ideas or critical feedback? Does anyone use you as a sounding board? People only feel safe to speak up when they feel you are truly listening to them, when you acknowledge what they say, and when they believe that you have their best interests at heart. When they don’t feel safe, you seldom get to know.
How do I talk to my boss about her negative behaviour?
“My boss is very competent and has a lot of service with our company. My problem is that when I raise an idea of my own she shoots me down before she has heard more that a few words of what I have to say and I’m getting more and more frustrated. How do I approach her about this?”
When your power base is low, the stakes high, and you want to broach a difficult subject with the least possible risk to your relationship (and your job), you need to proceed with care.
1. Decide what you will talk about. Although this has been going on for a while, it is more risky to talk about a pattern of behaviour than a specific instance, so choose the next time it happens and deal with that particular instance.
2. When you are dealing with a person in authority, it’s wise to open by asking for permission to have the conversation. “Can we talk about something that’s getting in the way of our working together?”
3. Follow by describing the behaviours that are causing you frustration. You must be absolutely specific in describing what she did, so she recognises her own behaviour.
4. Then say how you feel about the situation, but be tentative. There could be many interpretations of the situation. “Maybe I‘m being too sensitive, but I’m beginning to feel you don’t want input from me.”
5. Finally, ask for feedback. This is the safest way to minimize defensiveness and encourage dialogue between you. “I’m wondering if there’s anything I can do to share my ideas with you more effectively”.
This approach helps others see the effects of their behaviour without raising their defenses, and opens the door to healthy dialogue and problem solving.
Maureen Collins runs Straight Talk and provides advice and consulting on http://www.straight-talk.co.za performance management for corporates as well as tips on building healthy relationships for everyone.
